elisfanclub

i hate goodbyes. i’m horrible at them. all my emotions come flooding out all at once. it’s uncontrolable. i start crying and i can’t stop, and then i see another face that i’ll miss and i start crying even more. i try to speak and i can’t. i try to tell the people i’ve shared my life with that it was amazing to meet them and that i’ll miss them, but i can’t.

just tears.

and then i distance myself even further because i know that if i get any closer i’ll completely break down and start sobbing, uncontrollably. then i won’t even be able to see their faces one last time because my vision will be clouded with tears. so, i say what i can, hold back the rest, and hope that it’s good enough for them.

* * *

last night, just before bed, i saw the sun set again for the first time in 117 days. it was only for a few seconds, but it was exactly what i needed. i watched it glide past Mt. Discovery, swinging low on the horizon, as meredith and i climbed Ob Hill once last time. it hugged the edge of Black Island, as it swept south of the station. then, all of a sudden, it disappeared behind the tallest peak right in the middle of Black Island. for a moment it was gone, for only a moment. i tried so hard to remember all i could at that point, to remember everything about this place and why i love it so much. and then, before i even had a chance to think, it poked it’s head around the other side. i won’t see another one of those for a long time.

* * *

we’re all packed, our room is in order and we have a shuttle to the airfield in about an hour. we just ate brunch for the last time, and right now i’m sitting down in the computer kiosk on Highway 1 for the last time. all day yesterday we kept talking about our last “this” and our last “that”. our last dish and our last crap… in Antarctica.

i really hope to come back here again next season, hopefully in the Carp Shop, but maybe somewhere else if that doesn’t work out. i hope that my friends make it back as well.